Please Don't Leave
by poeticgrace
Summary: Most people leave Puck, but once in awhile, one of them stays. Based on the song by Pink, eventual Puckleberry.
1. Santana

_I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have you kicked me out of here or said something insulting?_

It starts with Santana, this fiery mess of a Latina brunette who sends his world spinning off its very axis. Before he started hanging around with her in eighth grade, he was actually somewhat of a good kid. She still got good grades after they hooked up, but he stopped being able to focus when he saw what she looked like without a shirt on. That was the first time he truly realized the power of the female form and how it had all the capability in the world to pretty much destroy him. That bitch.

So they start going out or hooking up or whatever you do when you're thirteen and you spend more time with a girl's tongue down your throat than actually talking to her. Sure, they still spend some time hanging out. Santana is like really good at video games and is into all the latest action movies that are coming out and doesn't mind that his room is always an utter mess. She curses like a sailor and his mom hates her. All in all, she is basically a teenage boy's dream come true.

Things get a little more serious when they get to high school because Santana is determined to be half of the school's most powerful couple. She decides that Puck will be her sidekick and convinces him to shave his head into a mohawk because it'll make him look like a "badass." He never tells anyone that it's her that gives him his trademark look or that she was the one to first introduce him to his favorite adjective. Some secrets are best kept that way.

Santana ends up joining the Cheerios and Puck finds his rightful place on the football team, even making the varsity squad - though he's not sure if it's because he's that good or because they're that bad. Opting for the former, he takes to wearing his letterman jacket and his haircut like a badge of honor that gives him the power to pretty much do whatever they want. He's best friends with Finn, which makes the two of them untouchable against the rest of the guys in school, and Quinn, Santana and Brittany quickly form an unstoppable alliance known as the Unholy Trinity. The five of them rule the school with one look - a sneer, an arched eyebrow, an innocent smile, whatever it takes to get the job done.

By then, Puck and Santana have settled into some semblance of a relationship. They had agreed upfront that there wouldn't be any real sexual monogamy between the two of them. He was too young and she was too hot to make that kind of a commitment. Instead, he looks the other way when she spends her special nights with Brittany and Santana doesn't mind that he makes a few extra bucks hooking up with cougars so long as some of it goes to benefit her. The only rule when they are together is that when it comes down to it, they belong to each other and no one else. They have some weird kind of exclusivity that no one can figure out but it works for them.

Okay, so it doesn't exactly work but it's functionally dysfunctional. They fight constantly, going hard at each other with the angriest and most hurtful of words. Santana endlessly attacks everything about him, which means he snaps back with a slew of slurs aimed in her direction. They trade insults like they hate each other, but the lucky few on the inside know it all comes in some weird twisted kind of love. Though they never see it for themselves, they occasionally will see the soft smile Santana has when she affectionately calls Puck an asshole or the way he strokes the little patch of skin between her index finger and thumb when they fight at a party.

"Look, Puckerman," Santana spat one day at lunch. Her hand was poised on her jutted hip, and she had center stage for all the school to hear. She could see Quinn and Britt waiting for her out of the corner of her eye and a blur of Rachel Berry as she scampered by in fear. "I don't know if you've lost brain cells when the blade got too close cutting that stupid haircut into your huge gourd, but you better figure out a way to make this limo thing happen. I am not going to the spring dance in your mother's Volvo."

Puck didn't even bother looking up from his burger as he rolled his eyes. "You'll go to the dance in the backseat of that Volvo and you'll like it, Satan," he told her evenly. He didn't need to raise his voice to get his point across. She knew the dangerous look in his eyes and liked it even better. "You're lucky that I'll even look your way, let alone consider hooking up with you."

"Oh, I'm lucky?" she asked rhetorically before muttering a few choice words in Spanish beneath her breath. "You do realize how lucky you are to get a chance to get with me, right? If it wasn't for me, you'd probably be hooking up with one of those losers in Glee." Puck's eyes darted over to where Rachel was sitting with the stuttering Asian girl and pasty gay kid. Santana smirked and ran her hands down her sides suggestively. "A limo or no go."

He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. She liked to pretend that she ran the show, but like Puck, she was an insecure little brat with daddy issues too. She needed the approval of a guy nearly as badly as he needed the comfort and power of possessing her. "No go then," he shrugged before standing up. He walked over to the window to dump his tray and then stalked back across the cafeteria. "Good luck finding someone who's willing to put up with your drama, Lopez. Ladies, if you're willing, I'm available."

With the waggle of his eyebrows, Puck strutted out of the cafeteria and down the hall. He knew that she would be right behind him, and moments later, he could hear the familiar echo of her white tennis shoes squeaking on the floor. Forty-seven seconds later, he had her pressed against the door of the janitor's closet and his hand halfway up her skirt.

She's quiet afterward, her face buried in his chest. "Sorry about that." That was the thing about Santana, she'd always apologize later and almost always mean it.

"It's okay," he murmured into her neck as he stroked her hair lazily. She was almost vulnerable like this, and though he would never admit it, it was actually his favorite part of her. Even more than when he was buried in her to the hilt, this was the Santana that he was really sure still wanted to be with him. "What happened this time?"

Santana slowly pulled away and looked up at her boyfriend. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear sweetly. "I got into a fight with Brittany," she admitted. It usually came back to the lovably air-headed blonde. "I guess she's been hanging out - hooking up - with Chang, and she thinks it's cheating again. I keep trying to tell her that it's not because, you know, different equipment and all. She just doesn't seem to get it."

Puck had always known that she liked girls. He even went as far as to suspect that she actually liked them more than she liked guys. However, it was hard to put a label on Santana because it could have just as easily been about the individual. Maybe she didn't love girls, maybe she just loved Brittany. Maybe she didn't want all guys, maybe she just wanted Puck. Either way was fine with him as long as she was happy and he was still getting some on the regular. It might have seemed crass but it was genuine. He actually cared about her no matter who she turned out to love in the end. He only saw her and not the lesbian that she might or might not be.

"She's into Chang right now because it's new. Britt's a good girl, she's just trying to do the right thing," he told her. "But you know once she has settled into it, she'll come back to you. She always does, San. You're her girl just like you're mine."

"Your girl, huh?" she smirked. "God, you're a pussy."

He just had to laugh then as he pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. "Probably so but I know you won't tell anyone," he teased her. Finn might be his bro, but Santana was probably his best friend. She got things about him that he couldn't explain, things he didn't even really want to admit. "Don't worry about her so much, she'll come around. And until then, I'll cool it with the older ladies and just stick close to you, yeah? I'll pretend the doting boyfriend who is trying very hard in vain to get back into your good graces."

"So that means I get the limo?"

"You get the limo," he confirmed with a laugh. "Fuck, I am a pussy. Thanks a lot, San, you're totally going to destroy my rep."

"A rep I helped build," she reminded him. He watched her as she put herself back together. Once she had straightened her skirt and pulled her hair back in the trademark deathly tight ponytail, she slipped her bitch mask back on and allowed the harshness to come back into her voice. "Later, loser."

"You got it, bitch," he shot back, smacking her lightly on the ass before slipping out of the closet.

He didn't bother looking over his shoulder as he sauntered down the hallway toward the nurses' office instead of heading to his sixth hour math class. He hadn't told Santana that she'd actually had the limo the entire time and that he'd already given Finn his portion so they could triple date with Quinn, Brittany and Mike. For now, he understood that it was important to her that she had won, and as her boyfriend, best friend, whatever, it was his job to give it to her. They might not be conventional and they definitely wouldn't last but Santana needed him as much as he needed her. For a guy like Puck, that was pretty damn hard to walk away from. He could only pray that she wouldn't leave him.


	2. Quinn

_I can be so mean when I wannabe, I am capable of really anything. I can cut you into pieces when my heart is broken._

As much as he had cared about Santana, she had failed to possess one very important power: the ability to hurt him. No, that wouldn't come along until a certain perky and righteous blonde barged her way into his orbit with a failed home pregnancy test and enough tears to fill Lima Lake. He knew that he should have never messed around with her in the first place, but he had always been down for a challenge when it came to getting a girl. Best friends bedamned; he was going to have her whether Finn (or Quinn) liked it.

However, what he doesn't expect, is that they would have this lifelong bond that would still ache so completely years later. It was just supposed to be a two hours of fun. A few wine coolers and a month later, Quinn ended up pregnant. As soon as it was over, she had coldly told him that it had never happened. She wanted to pretend that it meant nothing, and of course, since Puck never seemed to do anything right, he went ahead and fell in love with her.

"Stop looking at me like that," she muttered as she gathered up her clothes as quickly as she could. The tears were already coming, and he hated that being with him had made her react like that. He was used to plenty of other outcomes, but only one other girl had cried after and that was because she said she couldn't believe she had landed him. Puck knew that she was mourning the loss of her virginity almost as much as the potential end of all things Finn and Quinn.

He propped himself up on his elbow and leered at her appreciatively. "C'mon, Q, we had a good time. Got you off, didn't I?" he asked almost softly. She looked at him for a minute in disbelief. He knew he probably needed to change his tone quickly. "Seriously, Quinn, can we talk for a minute or something? I know that this is big and shit."

Quinn shook her head as she smoothed her hair back into a neat ponytail. "We had nothing to talk about before this happened, Puckerman," she said coldly. "Let's not pretend that we're friends now that it's over. You are my boyfriend's best friend and nothing more."

She pretty much held to that too until the whole baby thing came out. He had really wanted to do the right thing, but Quinn had stopped him at every turn. Of course, Berry had shot off her big damn mouth and put them into this fucked-up quadrangle that had resulted in disaster. That was when the especially vicious side of the former head cheerleader had come out. It was like she knew every single one of his insecurities and used them as weapons designed to tear him down insult by insult. He wanted to hate her for it and almost did sometimes. Then he would see her rounded stomach and imagine the life growing inside there and fall just a little more in love with her.

That was when he adopted his unofficial model of life with Quinn: hurt or be hurt. He was determined to head her off at the turn and use her words against her. It didn't matter how many times she told him that he was nothing more than a Lima Loser. It didn't matter how any times she said he wasn't worthy of even breathing her name. It didn't matter how many times she pretended that the baby would be better off with Finn as a father. Puck let it all roll off his shoulders and tucked them away for later. And then, when they would really get into it, he would let them out in one angry, terrible rush of rage that would leave Quinn crying in his bedroom and his mother lecturing him in the kitchen.

However, none of that could have even began to compare to the ultimate betrayal that was to come. For a guy like Puck, being a father was a huge deal, the biggest really when you consider his own childhood. That's why he had always been doubly safe with his random hook-ups and had been flabbergasted at Quinn's positive result. Having it all be a big deal meant that he took the responsibility seriously. As much as it terrified him, he wanted to do right by his kid.

He knew right away that he would love the hell out it. He could already imagine the life that they'd have and even the family they could have with Quinn if she would just let it happen. He loved her the best way that he knew how. She was the mother of his child, the person who was giving him the most perfect gift he could imagine. It didn't matter that they were so young. He was one of God's Chosen, it was supposed to happen. What wasn't supposed to happen, what she had warned him about and he had somehow believed would never come to fruition, was that his little girl wouldn't be his little girl.

It's that last part that makes him fall a little out of love with Quinn. In fact, he kind of hates her for it, and the feelings that he has for her change a little each day until he's not in love with her anymore. He'll always love her for the same reason he hates her - Beth - but it's not like that between them anymore. He's not sure that it ever was for Quinn. And a few days after they graduate from high school and before he heads to sunny California, he decides that he has to tell her exactly that.

"What do you want, Puck?"

"Still so sweet, Q," he bit off sarcastically. Yeah, they'd shared a pretty hot kiss or whatever, but she was back to being a bitch. He was over it as much as he was over Lima. "Can you just listen to me for five minutes?"

"You have three," she smiled before sitting across from him at the little diner he loved. "What's up?"  
He raked his fingers over his mohawk. He hated how she could still make him feel just the slightest nervous, like he still wasn't quite enough. However, like those harsh words that he used all those months ago, his departure from Lima took away her power to hurt him. He had proven himself. He was getting the hell out of this town, even if it was just to start his pool cleaning business in LA. It was start, and every great story had one. His was looking up to be stellar.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm out of here day after tomorrow," he replied as he rested his forearms on the table. "I've already visited Beth and told her goodbye. Shelby is going to get us set up on a pretty regular Skype thing so I can keep in touch. She said you hadn't been in touch in awhile though. I thought maybe we could drive up tomorrow and see her together before we left."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You called me here for that? You could have just sent a text."

"Wow, nice, Baby Mama."

"How many times do I have to tell you to quit calling me that?"

"Q, c'mon, you need to see her."  
"Puck, you have no right to tell me what I need to do," she shot back. "You spent seventeen years being the least responsible person in the world and like six months of giving a damn. Who are you to judge me?"

He knew he could cut her down or he could take the high road. "I'm your daughter's father and one of the people who know you best, Q," he reminded her. "You need to see her before you go or you'll regret it. I agreed to Beth's adoption because you said it was better for all three of us. Our girl has a great life, and we can still be part of it. You wanted to give us a better life, Q. Make it count, dammit."

Puck left not too long after that. It's funny when you lose something and you don't even know it. He lost the last little bit of being in love with Quinn that day. Shelby told him later that she did eventually show up to see Beth before she left for Yale. He was glad about it and sent her an email saying as much. She was a completely different person by the time she showed up Thanksgiving, and he couldn't have been happier that he didn't recognize her. She might have looked the same, but the important parts that actually counted were (felt) different. At least she couldn't break his heart now. Quinn Fabray would never have that power again.


	3. Finn

_How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act this way? I've never been this nasty._

Puck had become best friends with Finn two days into the first grade when they were all of six years old and some ten-year-old fifth grader thought it would be cool to use Finn as a shield during a rousing game of dodgeball on the playground. Puck had punched the much-taller kid once in the stomach and sent him crying on his knees. Finn had pledged his undying allegiance then and there, and a decade later, nothing had ever managed to come between them. Finn had been there when Puck's dad had left and Puck had been there when Finn's mom had the cancer scare in seventh grade.

It's not until a certain blonde had come prancing into their lives that anything had really caused them to truly fight. There had been the occasional argument-turned-wrestling-match over the years, but ten minutes into it, they'd usually ended up laughing and forgetting about whatever had started it all in the first place. However, Quinn reminded Puck of the jealous part of him that he fought so hard to hide. He had always secretly hated Finn a little for how perfect his life seemed.

Sure, neither of them had a father, but Finn's had died a war hero (or so they had thought at the time). He was an only child, which meant his mother doted on her son endlessly. She had a good job, one that allowed her to have good hours and spend generously on his wants and needs. Finn didn't want for anything and had very little to worry about. The teachers liked him even if he didn't good grades, all the mothers wanted their kids to be his friend and he rarely got into trouble that wasn't initiated by Puck in the first pace.

In fact, Finn was probably the most loyal person Puck had ever met until the beginning of sophomore year when he first noticed the stupid moon eyes Rachel Berry was making at him. His best friend put up the good fight and tried to focus all his attention on the very hot blonde on his arm. However, he slipped up and told Puck about it right away, tears nearly in his eyes as he worried about how would Quinn would react. The news about the baby would come out soon after and Finn would have bigger things to worry about than some pining brunette. Quinn and the baby would quickly become his whole world, showing everyone at McKinley exactly what kind of guy his best friend was.

However, other than his mom, Finn was probably the most loyal to Puck. When Puck had cried a few days after his dad left, Finn had pledged that he hated Puck's dad too. He was the first person who would ever despise his father for what he had done to Puck, the way it destroyed the secretly caring Noah and replaced him with the angry little boy with walls so high that no one could break through the facade.

None of that meant anything when the truth about Beth's paternity came out thanks to Rachel breaking Baby Gate. Puck had been the first one to see Finn's split personality come out then. He had never seen his best friend truly angry until the day they fought. None of that stung as much as the silence that followed. Even after he had forgiven Quinn and turned to Rachel, Finn wouldn't even spit in Puck's direction. Puck knew that he deserved it but he had stupidly believed that Finn would never leave him. He should have known that eventually everyone leaves, and Puck always makes sure that it's on his terms before anyone figures out what he's doing.

"You let me believe that baby was mine," Finn had screamed angrily in the parking lot after he had stormed out of the school. "You let me fall in love with that little girl. You made me want her, made me want to be her father. And for what, Puck? To just tear it out from under me?"

"You get everything, Finn!" he yelled back. "Even after all this, Quinn still wants you. Rachel wants you. Everyone wants you! Hell, my baby would probably even rather have you as a father. So before you decide you're going to hate me forever, remember that I wasn't the only one who let you do any of this. I wanted to tell you."

Finn narrowed his eyes at Quinn before returning his heated gaze to Puck. "And you suddenly lost your ability to speak? So what if Quinn wanted to lie to me? You were supposed to be my best friend, man. You should have told me. You know you should have. You can make all the excuses in the world but that doesn't change anything."

"You're right, it doesn't," Puck conceded easily. "I should have told you. It should have come from me and not some nosy, lovestruck girl that barely knows the real you." Puck heard Rachel squeak somewhere behind him. "I have known you longer and better than anyone. I knew what you were capable of, and honestly, a little selfish part didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want you to hate Quinn. I already fucked up her life enough..."

Quinn stepped forward, her hand resting protectively on her slightly swelled stomach. "Finn, please just listen to us."

"Quinn!" Finn yelled, causing her to stumble back. Puck saw the light switch in his eyes as the real Finn shifted back into place. He reached out to steady the pregnant blonde and searched her gaze to make sure she was okay. "I'm sorry, I'm really angry right now and I can't talk to you without yelling. You need to give me space - both of you."

Finn had left them all in the parking lot that day. Quinn had been the next to leave, tucked under Santana's protective arm as she and Brittany helped get their hysterical friend into the front seat of San's silver convertible. The rest of the crowd had eventually dispersed, leaving Rachel and Puck alone. He had looked at her as if he hated her that day and part of him did. It was easier to blame her for all of this right now than think about what came after. He couldn't imagine his world without Finn.

It took a long time for the two of them to become friends again, but Puck knew it would ever be the same as it was before. They'd all lost something that day and no amount of time or forgiveness would be able to change that.


	4. Lauren

_Can you tell that this is all just a contest? The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest. But baby, I don't mean it. I mean it, I promise._

Puck had always been the one in control, at least in his head. Even if there were the occasional moments where Santana or Quinn had the upperhand, they were fleeting and he would inevitably find a way to somehow regain dominance in the relationship. He never worked harder than he had to for things to work. He kind of just figured that things would happen to him, good or bad, and it was up to him to figure out a way to deal with it. It wasn't always the ideal approach but it mostly seemed to work. Until Lauren.

The vivacious brunette with more moves than Hulk Hogan and a biting wit was the first time he really had to try to get a girl's attention. He liked the challenge right away, appreciative that he was actually have to work to get her to like him. It was trying to say the least, but those rare little seconds where she would smile at him in just that way made it all worth it. Even after they were together and he was confident that she actually liked him, he still cherished those instances where she would let down her guard just a little and let him see the softer side. He knew that it wasn't easy for her; they were a lot alike in that regard. That's likely why he appreciated it so much, he knew what it took out of a person like her.

He also liked the way that people started seeing him after he was with Lauren. He would be lying if he didn't admit that they had faced comments from a certain segment of the student population, but either Lauren or him dealt with most of them once they became aware of what was being said. Surprisingly, though, their classmates were supportive for the most part. He suspected that their scary predispositions had something to do with it; they were the ultimate badasses after all. He also realized that he stopped listening to what people thought after he got with Lauren. It just didn't seem to matter anymore.

Puck also found that he liked actually putting the effort in. It was nice to try for a girl. They appreciated when you did more than the bare minimum, a little tip he had picked up when he dated Berry for that week sophomore year. Singing for her and showing up to the choir room that day had changed things between them, and it's that memory that pushes him to serenade Lauren the first time. Okay, so it wasn't a perfect song selection and he had to try again, but he got why it was important nonetheless. He even tried again, and it had proven to be so worth it. He was really thankful someone had talked some sense into him. Girls were suckers for stuff like that.

"Remember that time you sang to me, the second time?" Lauren would ask later, maybe a month after they were together. They were out at the lake after a basketball game, and their breaths were little puffs of smoke every time either one of them spoke. She looked unexpectedly pretty as she sat on the edge of the tailgate, her feet dangling like a little kid's. "That's the first time I ever knew you really liked me, you know, as more than just a conquest."

"That hasn't changed," he smiled genuinely, reaching over to squeeze her hand briefly for emphasis. Lauren just grinned back and nodded a little. He could see the blush even in the darkness and was proud that he could get a girl like her to feel like that about a guy like him. "I hope you know how glad I am we're together, Lauren. I know you have every reason to doubt me, given my track record and everything, but I am really happy you gave me a chance."

He was the first guy that was more than just a hookup or friend to her, and she was the first real girlfriend that he was monogamous with that lasted more than a week or two. "I'm glad too," she admitted finally. She talked a big game, but just like him, she was really glad that he was as into this as she was. "I was, I don't know…scared, maybe, that I was just this distraction for you. A placeholder until you figured out what conquest came next, someone you hung out with as a little more than friends until the next pretty blonde came along."

"First of all, if you look at my track record, it's pretty blatant that I prefer brunettes," he teased good-naturedly. "And you could never be just that, Zizes, not to me. You're far too special for that."

The best part was that he wasn't even lying when he had told her. He never really felt the need to hide the truth when he was with her. In a lot of ways, she was the first person to get a lot of his truths. After they got to know each other and before she broke his heart before senior year, he actually let her in on a lot of the inner workings of the Puckerone. She was the first person he really told about Beth without some fear of preconceived bias. She wasn't invested in it like the rest of them had been. She was on his side for the sake of caring about him, and for a guy like Puck, that was really hard to find.

She did eventually break his heart though, when she fell for some guy at a wrestling camp, and even he had to admit that they were probably a better match. He saw the way Blake stared at her as if she was the most magnificent creature that had ever walked the earth and knew that he would have never been able to gaze at her in quite that same way. That would come later with a different girl, and at that point, he just wasn't quite ready for it. Still, he would always be really grateful for his time with Lauren Zizes. He had to learn a few critical life lessons with her before he would be ready for that big grand finale.

He had to learn how hard it was to be on the other side. He had to learn how important it was to actually try. He had to learn what it felt like when all of the hassle was really worth it. He had to learn why it sucked to be the guy he had been. Most of all, he had to learn that there was no going back, not really, not even when he pretended to be that old Puck. It's that lesson, the really big one, that eventually makes him resolve that he'll never be the bad guy ever again.


	5. Shelby

_I always say how I don't need you, but it's always gonna come right back to this. Please don't leave me._

Puck always claimed that Lauren was the first girl that really changed him, but that wasn't completely true. It was actually his daughter, this absolutely puff of perfection withQuinn's blonde hair and his soulful eyes, that made him want to be something more. Most people thought they knew that but few actually got it. Watching his baby leave him would always be his very hardest goodbye.

But unlike those other departures, he got a second chance with Beth in the form of one very dangerous substitute teacher. He knew Shelby wasn't a good idea from the start, but he needed to believe that he wanted her to get something he wanted even more. She was actually pretty hot and seemed to like him and could kiss pretty well, good enough that he kind of saw where Berry must have gotten her talent. He never told either of them that they both did this hook-swirl thing with their tongue because that shit was kind of disturbing. Anyhow, the point was that he liked Shelby.

He liked her but he never loved her. He had loved the idea of her, or more accurately, the idea of what she could give him. He had wanted to be a father to Beth from the minute that he found out Quinn was pregnant, and forming some kind of relationship with Shelby seemed to be the only way to make it happen. And things were so fucked up then, with Quinn dying her hair pink and basically going insane, and him trying to figure out a way to piece his heart back together after Lauren had left him high and dry. It was mess and it had seemed like an easy answer. He should have known that it would end in disaster.

It's only after Shelby leaves and he's forced to say goodbye to his beautiful baby a second time that he realizes that it was never going to work. He was still the same screw-up he was when Quinn told him that he didn't have the goods to be a stand-up father, and Shelby wasn't about to risk her daughter's future on a life with the likes of him. Besides, the older woman was never really in it for the same reasons. Like so many cougars who had been on the prowl in Lima, Puck was a temporary remedy to a mid-life itch they needed so desperately to scratch. He had been the only one stupid enough to believe that it could have been something more.

"Please, just think about staying for a little while longer," he begged desperately after he had found out that she was leaving. "We can figure out something. I'm almost out of here and no one has to know. I'll keep it real quiet, I swear. No one has to know. Just please don't take my daughter away from me. We can work this out, Shelby, please. You just have to say that you'll stay."

Shelby smiled at him patronizingly in the same way his mother used to when he was a kid. "Oh, Noah," she exhaled with a shake of her dark hair. It was the exact same shade as Rachel's. "This was never going to work. I came for a reason and now it's time to leave. Beth is my daughter. She's my little girl."

And that was the moment that Puck decided that he hated her because she was wrong. She was his daughter, his little girl. No amount of paperwork would ever change that. He was just a stupid kid, but he knew that much. His daughter would grow up one day and he had to believe that she would want to know him. He could only pray that Shelby would never let her believe that she wasn't wanted. He never wanted Beth to feel for even a moment the way that Rachel had about her birth mother. Both he and Quinn loved their little girl so much that they both literally ached in longing in those lonely moments where they missed her. He wanted Beth to know that.

After Shelby and Beth leave Lima for good, Puck spends a lot of time hanging around the neighborhood where they had lived. A new family had moved in, and there were new shadows moving around behind those closed curtains. Still, he'd park down the block in his big, old truck and stare longingly at the front door, praying that he would catch a glimpse of that gorgeous blonde hair that he knew he'd never see. It hurt so much worse the second time around.

It's in that truck, on that block, that he decides it's time to get his act together for good. He goes home and pulls out an old spiral notebook so that he can start putting together his business plan. He checks his bank account and does some quick math to figure out how much he needed to move out to LA. And then he calculated how much more he would need to start his pool cleaning business out there and finally get the hell out of Ohio. He promises himself that he will graduate from high school and go to California to make some real money. He'll keep working on his songwriting and use his profits to pay for studio time. He will sign up for open mic nights and pound the pavement until he gets a record deal, and then he will spend the rest of his life making her proud. He vows then that he'll dedicate his first album to Beth.

A handful of months later, after he nearly failed to graduate and got his swagger back thanks to a kiss from baby mama, Puck rocks out to an old Springsteen song and finally crosses the stage in his red cap and gown. He has Chang snap a photo of him with Q afterward, both of them grinning like fools at the camera as they clutch their diplomas. He scrawls out a quick note on the back and slips it into an envelope with his new address in LA. Mailing it is the last thing he does before he leaves Lima.

It was time for the rest of his life to begin. _  
_


	6. Puckerman Girls

_You say I don't need you but it's always gonna come right back to this. Please don't leave me._

Beth wasn't the first girl that Puck couldn't abandon. If he was really honest with himself, if he admitted the thing that every other person in the world seemed to know but he tried to ignore, he knew that kind of loyalty began with his mother. His very Jewish, very dedicated, very traditional mother. He knew that he wouldn't have made it this far without her. No one without that kind of unconditional love could have stuck with him for this long.

You see, Puck had given her every reason to give up on him. He had put her through hell. Between stupidly trying to steal that ATM and turning up with a pregnant Quinn and the countless suspensions, fights and arrests, he honestly wouldn't have blamed her for turning him away. However, she never once told him not to come home or left him alone in a jail cell or didn't show up at the principal office, hospital, courtroom - whatever the location was of his latest tragedy. Instead, she would patiently listen while he tried to explain himself and then would give him sage advice with a side of her patent Jewish guilt.

The thing that is most important of all to Puck is that she never tells him he's like his father. He knows that there are moments where she is undeniably reminded of the elder Puckerman and the hell that he had put her through. He can see them in her glassy eyes when he disappoints her. It makes him want to vow that he'll never disappoint her again but he doesn't because he doesn't want to add lying to the sins against him when it comes to her. Yet, even in those darkest hours when she sees nothing but his father in him, she never says it. She only draws him into her warm embrace and promises him that they'll figure it out together.

It's exactly what he does the night he comes home from the hospital after Quinn gave birth to Beth. "She's gone, Ma," are the only words he can manage as he collapses on the couch, burying his face in his hands. His mother is quiet as she walks across the room. She sits next to him, drawing his head against her chest so she could cradle him like she used to when he was a kid. "My baby's gone and I'm never going to get to see her and I love her so fucking much that it hurts, Ma. I didn't know that it was going to hurt like this. It hurts like hell."

"Oh, Noah," she murmurs softly as she runs the palm over his strip of a mohawk soothingly. "I know it hurts, I can't even begin to imagine how much it hurts."

They stay like that for awhile, and eventually, his little sister turns up from somewhere else in the house. She sits down at his feet quietly, resting the side of her face against his left shin. She reaches up for his hand somewhere in the silence, lacing her tiny little fingers with his like she always does. His mother starts to sing some old song in Hebrew and Noah starts to hum along with his sister softly. It might never be okay but the two of them somehow manage to convince him that he'll make it through. This, his little family, reminds him that he doesn't have to go it alone.

Flash forward to a few months later and he's starting at his mother through double-paned glass at the county juvenile detention center. Her eyes are tired after pulling a straight 36-hour shift at the hospital and he immediately feels guilty for adding any kind of stress to the situation. He had just been trying to help and it had been desperate and stupid.

"Hiram Berry is on his way down here now. He told me to tell you not to say anything to anyone until he can get here," she told him. "Are you doing okay? Do you need anything?"

Puck ignores her question. "Ma, I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are," she allowed. "You're going to get more sorry, trust me. Noah, I don't even know what you were thinking." She smiled softly then and shook her head. "I am so angry at you, but right now, I just want to get you out of here and get you home. I want to shake you and hug you at the same time, and that's really hard to do with this damn glass between us."

"Ma, you cursed!"

His mother had visited every day, even bringing his sister along sometimes even if he didn't want her to see him like that. She told him that it was a good lesson for her and that it might encourage Puck to make sure that she never saw him like that again. Other than a perplexing Berry and Hiram, the two Puckerman girls were the only ones who came to see him. They never gave up or told him that they were disappointed. They just loved him through it in the best way that they knew, and it reminded Puck that he had some pretty important obligations.

That's probably why he took it so hard toward the end of senior year when he started to realize that he might not graduate. Sure, there were the whole feelings of being left behind or turning out to be a Lima Loser or ending up like his father. However, the thing that really pushed him was the image of his mother on his graduation in his head. He could see her in her favorite blue dress with her camera taking pictures of him and Finn and Chang while trying to dab at vain at her watery eyes. He wanted to have that moment where he saw how proud she was of him, and he wanted to prove worthy of the adoration his baby sister had for him.

"Noah, you look so handsome!" his mother said through the tears as they stood on the football field after the ceremony. It was just the three of them huddle in a little circle for the moment. His sister hadn't unwrapped her arms from his waist since he had plopped his mortar hat on her head and handed his crisp diploma over to his mother. "I am so proud of you. You did this, Noah. You made it through!"

"Not without you, Ma," he replied with a smile, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. Anyone watching would have known then that he was a mama's boy, and for the first time in his life, Puck didn't care about his reputation anymore. "And you too, squirt," he told his sister before squeezing her tightly. "Both of you have really been there for me even when I wasn't great to you and especially when I didn't deserve it. Thank you for never giving up."

Puck knew that he needed to have this kind of unconditional love to prepare him for what was to come. Without his mother, without his sister, without his daughter, he would have never been able to love someone that didn't share his blood so unconditionally. He wouldn't have been able to choose to love someone rather than because of the loyalty that came with the bonds of genetics. If he hadn't learned to love like that, he wouldn't have been ready for the future. He wouldn't have been ready for Rachel.


	7. Rachel

_I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me. I can't be without. You're my perfect little punching bag. And I need you, I'm sorry._

It took three somewhat serious girlfriends, a wayward crush, a stubborn mother and an amazing daughter to get him there, but Puck finally found the girl that would make him stay. When his friends asked him what made him finally decide to stick around, he always smiled this crooked little grin and shrugged before explaining she was the first one who really and truly refused to leave. It was pretty hard to leave someone if they wouldn't let you. Rachel wouldn't let him go; in fact, she fought like hell to make sure that they both held on.

When they finally ended up together somewhere during her second year of college, Puck was probably the only person who wasn't surprised. He could have seen it coming from a mile away. They had been dancing around each other years, ever since that fateful week sophomore year when he had spent long, glorious hours exploring every crook and cranny of her very talented mouth. It was around that time that he started figuring out that he should probably get a few things in check if he didn't want to end up like the rest of them that came before him. He might have faltered a few times over the years, but it was always the proud look in her brown eyes when he showed up that day in the choir room that kept him going. He would do anything to make her beam at him like that.

Puck wouldn't pretend that it was perfect. It was far from easy falling in love with a girl like Berry, a self-professed complicated woman with issues as wide as her talent. However, unlike all those others time before when they had drifted together and apart, he wasn't scared or intimidated to deal with any of them. Those hurdles only made him want to fight harder because he was starting to realize that it was probably really worth it. He had seen how she had loved Finn and knew that it could be really great to have her on his side. He also knew that their love would blow the whole Finchel debacle out of the water.

"Come on, Rach, just go out with me," he basically demanded one Saturday afternoon when they were hanging out in Central Park. It was unseasonably warm for November, and half of New York seemed to be taking advantage of the temporary reprieve from the harsh winds of mid-autumn. She was sprawled out on her stomach with a stack of sheet music beneath her. "You know that you want to – that you've been wanting to for a long time."

He had come to New York to see her the last week of August and somehow ended up never leaving. He got a job at a little restaurant a few blocks from her school to fill his hours while she was in class and replenish bank account. She let him stay with her and Kurt for awhile before he ended up in some tiny little apartment with two of the guys that worked the night shift. If he wasn't at the restaurant, he was waiting for her after class or watching her rehearse or accompanying her while she practiced on the roof of her apartment building. Every waking hour that wasn't spent working was with her, and somewhere along the way, she had replaced Chang as his best friend and Quinn as the one who got away.

"Noah, I told you once and I am telling you again, we're better off as just friends," she replied without looking up from the Iron and Wine piece she was working on for her folk class. After things with Brody had ended so badly last spring, she had basically made it her mission to remain single for the year. She wanted to focus on herself and on her classes and on her friends. Since Puck had become her closest friend aside from Kurt, he was a pretty important part of that plan. "We've tried it before and it ended in disaster. I know we're not the same people we were five years ago, but I really don't want to risk our friendship like that again."

And so, Puck decided that he would be patient and wait Rachel out. They fought like they always had, probably even more so considering that they were rarely ever apart. He would say things he didn't mean when he got stressed out about the long hours at work, hurling insults almost as easily as he always had. She threw her diva tantrums and refused to talk to him whenever the pressure at school got to be too much for her to handle. They were each other's escape and it was probably a pretty bad way to build a relationship. However, Puck figured if she could deal with all of that and still want him around then there was probably something worth working toward.

That is why he spent the entire Thanksgiving holiday patiently at her side back in Lima, following her to countless reunion dinners with their high school friends, cocktail parties with her fathers, services at the temple and a very uncomfortable dinner with his mother, sister and newfound half-brother. People assumed that they were together, and Puck didn't bother to correct them. If Rachel said something to the contrary, he never knew. Thanks to Kurt's forewarning, everyone seemed to just accept that they were some solitary unit.

He flew back to New York with her just before December began. Finals were just around the corner and he had never seen her more stressed. She spent longer hours than usual in dance class and took to singing until 2 a.m. out of fear that her voice wouldn't be good enough. He was there to make sure that she stayed fed and hydrated and got sleep. He'd rub her feet when they cramped up after ballet, show up with coffee when she pulled an all-nighter in the studio and leave her little notes of encouragement in her coat pocket after an especially hard day at class. They were things that were wholly not Puck but they felt like it. Well, they felt like Noah to be more precise. He was starting to become more.

It's this change that finally convinces her to say yes the afternoon after her final performance for the semester. He was waiting in the back of the auditorium with a bunch of gardenias the minute she stepped off the stage, and the aisle was a flash of red as she ran as fast as she could into his arms. He lifted her easily off the ground and hugged her tightly to him, whispering how proud he was of her into her ear so that no one else could hear him. And when he asked her once again if she would go out with him, she didn't say no that time. In fact, she would never say no to that question again.

His mom brings his sister to New York for Hanukkah and Hiram and Leroy fly in the day after to spend the holiday with their only daughter. The families decide to go to dinner together, and Hiram is the first one to notice when Rachel arrives to the restaurant fifteen minutes late, slightly disheveled and holding Puck's hand. She manages an apologetic smile as she sits down across from her fathers, but Puck doesn't even bother to hide his sated grin. He was a man in love and he wore it well. He couldn't deny the world the chance to see him looking so damn good.

"So I take it this is a thing now?" Leroy asked over his glass of red wine.

Rachel smiled and nodded before glancing over at her boyfriend. "Yes, it's definitely something."

Puck's face lit up like the Fourth of July then and his mom confided in Rachel later that she had never seen her son happier. They spend the rest of her winter break in a blissful lovers' haze, one that doesn't go away until long after the semester starts back up and Puck gets promoted at work. He's doing a little performing here and there, but he's really taken to working at the restaurant and seems to like what he's doing there. Rachel is a regular fixture when he's on the clock, eating cups of soup on her lunch break or having a nightcap while waiting for him to get off. He eventually moves out of the place he was sharing with the guys when their lease comes due and stows away the three boxes of stuff he has in Rachel's storage space before taking up permanent residence on the left side of her bed.

They make it the whole rest of the spring together and decided to drive home to Lima for a few weeks right when summer begins. He has the time off and she wants to get out of the city for a little quiet. They could have stayed with their parents, but Rachel can't seem to sleep without him anymore. Instead, they housesit Will and Emma's place while they're visiting friends in California and spend their vacation playing house as if was the most natural thing in the world. Everyone is shocked when they hear how long Puck has lasted in a relationship but he doesn't feel the need to defend himself. He's happy and the rest of the world just doesn't seem to matter.

"She looks really happy," Finn told him one afternoon when they were playing basketball at the old playground like they used to when they were kids. He was still in Lima leading the Glee Club with Mr. Schue, a place he really seemed to fit. "I'm glad, you know, that she ended up with you. If it wasn't going to me, I am that you're the one who's going to make her happy. You know how special she is and you won't ruin it."

"Never, man," Puck promised as he clapped his childhood best friend on the shoulder. Finn had been traveling to Connecticut once a month to visit Quinn, with her coming home on breaks and whenever she could. He was equally glad they were back together. The two of them still fit after all these years. "Now watch me dunk, I've been working on it in New York!"

Their summer is great, and it's actually almost a year after they got together before they get into their first really big fight. Their little quarrels were just foreplay, Puck figured, but the night he comes home at 2 a.m. after pulling a double at the restaurant and she's still not home from the studio just sets off something inside of him. His jealous streak comes out when she comes home with her phone pressed to ear, blabbering on and on with some guy from her jazz class that she's mentioned a few times. He yells and she cries and he leaves the apartment to walk around the city. He makes it as far as the lobby before he turns on his heel and heads back upstairs to fight with her some more. He stops short when he finds her in a sobbing puddle on the living room floor.

"Shit, Rach, I'm sorry," he whispered as he dropped to his knees beside her. She looked up at him with those tears in her big brown eyes and her hair spilling across her face, and it just broke his heart. He started crying with her right then, pulling her into his lap as he rocked her back and forth until they were both calm again. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked out on you. I shouldn't have left."

She presses her face into the crook of his shoulder and he can feel her inhale his scent. She was always doing that as some kind of comforting reminder that he was really hers. "It's okay," she finally manages, her voice tiny and sad. She takes a deep breath for courage and pulls back to look up at him. "You didn't leave, you came back. As long as you always do that, I always forgive you."

"I'll never leave you, Rach," he promised then, and it was the first time he knew for certain he wasn't going to leave someone. It was also the first time he told her something he had been waiting pretty much his entire life to say to someone (and really mean it) that didn't share his blood. "I love you."

The fight was forgotten as soon as he said those words. "I love you, too."

Rachel and Noah Puckerman were united in marriage two years later, a week after she graduated from NYADA and three weeks before she opened in her first supporting role on Broadway. They did it back in Lima in her fathers' backyard with Kurt as her maid of honor and Santana as his best man. Her vows were perfect and his were brief and they both cried throughout the entire thing. And later, at the reception when he was giving his toast, he revealed the one thing he hadn't had the courage to yet say.

"Sometimes I forget to tell Rachel how beautiful she is. Sometimes I pick fights with her just so that we can make up. Sometimes I say things I don't mean because that's just the kind of guy I am. Sometimes I leave wet towels on the bathroom floor and forget to clean out the coffee maker and neglect to record one of her programs. I do a lot of things wrong, and that's why I need Rachel," he told everyone but especially her. "I don't work without Rach. I can't be without her." He paused for a beat before he grinned down at her. "I can't be without you."

* * *

_Fin._


End file.
